Answers to 19 popular questions Finnish people ask Brits

With Britain voting on whether to stay or leave the EU, Brits in Finland have recently been fielding their fair share of questions about the debate. Answering questions about the UK from Finns is nothing new. When you move to a new country it is natural that the natives are curious to find out if the stereotypes they have learnt about your homeland are true.

Finns do not always have a convenient Englishman at hand to answer. To make things easier here is a handy list of answers to all the questions I have been asked by Finns in the last 11 years.

Politics and identity

1. Why is the UK voting to leave or stay in the EU?

This is the most recent question and it is usually followed by a request not to leave. The simple answer is stupid party politics. The more detailed answer is that the governing Conservative Party under electoral pressure in the last election from an extremist anti-EU party, UKIP, agreed to have a referendum to win votes. Think Finns Party but more pompous. The case for Leave is flawed, based on romantic nationalism, deluded myths or plain misinformation. There is not a single valid reason to leave the EU. If much of the UK press were not rabidly right-wing, the Leave Campaign would have long been exposed as cynical liars.

For a better analysis with a song at the end, enjoy John Oliver.

2. Which football team do you support?

My answer is Ipswich Town. This normally prompts a blank stare and a swift change of subject. Then I mention that the legendary Finnish international Shefki Kuqi was an Ipswich hero. If the questioner is a football fan, a smile appears.

3. Do you miss fish and chips?

Of course. What sane human being would not?

4. What’s the deal with Wales?

They are part of the United Kingdom and have been since Edward I of England took advantage of the death of the last King of Wales, Llywelyn ap Gruffydd, to conquer his country. This happened in 1282. The Welsh have been doing their best to ignore the English ever since.

Social customs

5. Why do you insist on buying rounds at the pub, can’t you buy you own drinks?

The tradition of buying rounds just is. Nobody questions it. One of my earliest memories of a pub is of my dad tottering toward the table with half a dozen pints bunched together in his hands. In the UK our pub memories are very early. You can buy your own, but if you are with a group, your sanity and character will be questioned.

6. What’s the general opinion of the Royal Family?

For the most part, they are accepted in the same way rain and drunken drownings are accepted on juhannus. Ardent royalists are either your grandma or weird eccentrics. There are probably more and more closet Republicans, but while the queen is still alive, they tend to keep patriotically quiet.

7. Have you ever met the Queen?

No, but seeing as she is seemingly immortal, I might still get the chance one day.

8. What exactly is a chav?

You really do not want to know. It is a derogatory name created by the tabloid press for working-class youngsters who act like louts and wear designer clothes. You might have met chavs on holiday or seen them on TV throwing things around at football matches.

Infrastructure and lifestyle

9. Why doesn’t Britain have properly functioning taps?

Most of our taps are older than your country. They may not work perfectly, but the things they have seen would astound you. They have a beautifully retro design and make strange gurgling sounds.

10. Why are British homes so cold?

Many British homes were built when Helsinki had a population of less than 30,000 and everyone else lived in the forest. The house I grew up in was almost double the age of Finland. This was nothing unusual. This affects modern things like heating.

11. Do Brits really eat a full English breakfast every morning?

No. That only happens in British heaven or if you live in the Costa del Sol.

12. Why are you drinking coffee? I thought Brits only drink tea.

I do not like tea. This causes jaw-dropping surprise. As rare as this is, there are British people who do not drink 15 cups of char a day.

Food and society

13. Why aren’t you eating this delicious Finnish sausage?

Because Finnish sausage is not a sausage. Calling it that gives all sausages a bad name. Please call it what it is: a flour-pork-mash-finger.

14. What exactly is a crumpet?

It is the food of the English gods. It is our equivalent of a Karelian pie but a million times nicer in my biased opinion.

15. Are the class divide and aristocracy still a big deal?

The UK has the biggest gap between rich and poor in Europe. While a lot of this can be traced back to the extremist neo-liberal economics of Thatcher, it is also reinforced by a society still wracked by class division. People no longer doff their caps to their betters, but the upper classes and aristocracy still ring fence a huge percentage of the best jobs for themselves. Take the current Conservative cabinet of ministers. 50% went to private school when just 6.5% of the general public attend.

Weather and origins

16. How do you like the weather in Finland?

When it is good it is very good. When it is bad it is very bad.

17. Why do you moan about the rain when you come from England?

Rain is a constant presence in British life but it is not the same as Finnish rain. In the UK we have showers. In Finland you have Nordic monsoons that can go on for hours. That is when I crack and launch into a full-blown rain rant despite our famed stiff upper lip.

18. Are you from London?

No. Like 85% of the UK population I am not from London. I am from the small town of Sudbury in Suffolk. I did go to university and work in London. It was fantastic.

19. Do you know any chimney sweeps?

No. Nor do I know Mary Poppins.