14 reasons why Helsinki’s Flow Festival is terrible and must be avoided

Helsinki based Flow Festival has established itself as one of Europe’s most praised music festivals. With ringing endorsements from publications like The Guardian and The Consequence of Sound, you might think Flow is an experience worth having.

None of the above is true. Flow Festival 2017 is terrible and we will explain why.

1. First of all, Finnish festivals are all about people being obnoxious around cheap beer

2. Finland has the lowest population density in Europe, so Flow Festival must surely be in the middle of nowhere

3. Flow offers nothing for people with families and responsibilities

4. The music at Flow has no rhythm or melody

5. Especially the Finnish lineup are monotonous nobodies

6. Flow books bottom of the barrel acts who cannot sing

7. There is no oomph and groove in any of these people

8. These EDM clowns take themselves way too seriously

9. And of course it is never worth looking into music you have not heard of before

10. Flow takes place in a boring industrial zone with no sense of magic in the air

11. If you get hungry you are out of luck

12. There is no place to chillax

13. Evenings get darker in August so the feeling of summer is basically gone