13 things that will never ever be sold in Finland
Coming up with product names that work in all languages is a tricky business. Most companies do name checks to ensure any new names work in their main markets. However, that rarely covers all countries. Consequently, there are plenty of occasions when a name that sounds great in one language has a very different meaning in another. Here is a selection from around the world which do just that and which consequently are unlikely to ever be found in Finland.
Coffee and cream
We all love Italian coffee. However, you’d have to be a very passionate connoisseur to drink one which, in Finnish, is named shit.
Quiz · Very Finnish Problems
Ten questions in. Ten free chapters out.
Would you last a week without any of these?
In Italian panna means cream. In Finnish, it means to fuck. It was hard to avoid making a crude gag here.
Travel and taxes
In Lithuania, this is a ferry port and Finns’ favourite swear word (perkele).
I’ve no doubt this wine is marvellous and certainly more appealing than an arse tax.
The good-life
Continuing with the theme of wine, this one shows why the Italians have got such a reputation for enjoying the good life, in this case getting wasted and having a wank.
The French are renowned for being super civilised. This wine suggests otherwise.
Our best seller
No niin
Thirteen things you cannot buy in Finland. Here is one you can, and it is the most useful phrase in the language.
Free worldwide shipping · 30-day returns · Designed in Finland since 2016
Nightlife and fashion
This Polish club is clearly very proud of its neon sign. That would likely change if they knew it meant hole dick.
This fancy clothing line by Marks and Spencer works in Spanish. However, no matter how you dress them up potatoes are rarely glamorous.
Bodily fluids
Apparently, the way to enjoy your one life is to drink piss. Needless to say, we’re not convinced.
The Spanish seem to have a thing with bodily fluids. This one is apparently blood.
Honesty and pleasure
Drink this wine and it seems you’re guaranteed a hangover. At least they’re honest.
Chocolate doesn’t get anymore orgasmic than this.
Another wine that doesn’t sound very appealing to Finnish ear.
Pieru …..in English fart.
At least with Crapula you know what you will get, if you enjoy it a bit too much. ??
0r you can fix your hangover with that.
It’s for the morning after you finnish a few bottles of Docata&Runcata…
Vice versa, when I studied in Finland it was a running gag among exchange students to ask someone to get you a “megapussi” from the supermarket :)
Mikä on megapussi?
Megaoussy
Just go and google the words mega pussy – NSFW!
This is a classic to raise some snickers. And no, I don’t mean lifting up a chocolate bar.
Oh boy, this reminds me of the day my former boss (who’s not so fluent in Finnish) served coffees to a table of ladies and asked “Signore, haluatteko panna?”
Runcata is sold in Finland, actually ?
Muistaakseni toi docata on photoshopattu siihen
Just näin: https://www.alko.fi/tuotteet/574497/Dal-Cero-Vigneto-Runcata-2015
In Riga there is Bakery called “Konditorei Perse” = ass…
There is even the whole street “P?rses iela” – and they say the street signs get stolen veeery often ;)
But it’s just a lovely small river with a nice waterfall on it :D
In Stockholm we have a Kamala Sushi. (Kamala = terrible). Tastes great however.
.In US there is a lady senator with the same first name..Kamala..
Travel
In Africa you can fly to Pascacoula…we found it hilarious
On the other side, I was always laughing at “maukas ruokas”. In Latvian it means “whore’s arms”… Maukas tomaati – is it that tomatoes from a bitch are more tasty? :D
In the 80’s Finns wanted to sell very crispy bisquits called “RAPE” (rapea=crispy). They were not successful all…
Wasn’t it: Rapeat murot…
Persevero? Well, Finland tends to be a country that taxes everything, so why not arses?
Yksi USAn senaattoreista on nimeltään Kamala Harris.
We finns have great sense of humour.
Most of these are actually sold in Finland.
All of the wines mentioned, also coffee Paska.
Those waters are not, but not because the name, but the fact thag we have the cleanest water in the world.
Docata & Runcata wine does not exist. It would be wise to take it away.
Yeah, only Runcata does, leave the docata- part :)
Hehe, sorry Nikolai but I have to translate your last name in english; it means “Overrace” or “Aboverace”.
I presume you are a white male, so that makes it a bit…ehm…a bit privileged. ?
But no hard feelings, okay?
If this reflects your attention to your other work, you must be brilliant! You’re right. Senoji Perkela is a ferry, not chocolate. Some people wouldn’t know this unless triggered Lithuanians with too much time on their hands whined about it. Of course 99.9999% of people don’t care, but you did. Great work!
hahahahaha. Not.
This whole post is like a 12 year old got hold of his father’s instagram.
Making fun of foreign names is so 11 year old.
Don’t go there.
Too late. Already gone. And please do share the link to your dad’s Instagram. It sounds marvellous.
You can find Caffe Paska in Finland. I would even guess that the unfortunate naming makes it more popular than it would be otherwise.
Crápula is literally pictured here being sold in an Alko store. Also “crapula” is hangover in Latin and derived to many other languages such as Spanish and the wine in question is from Spain. So it is just a silly name for a product.
That Paskà coffee is actually sold in Finland at some shops.
Hi Joel
Just FYI that Docata&Runcata label is Photoshopped. Wine does exist but is called Runcata. Bad enough on its own, tho… :D
There is a town called Baska Voda in Croatia. Avoid drinking water there.
What does that mean in finnish?
I’m from Croatia (not that town) so I find this very amusing :)
Baska Voda = Shit water in Finnish
Port Charlotte, Florida is ” Kallis German Butcher shop” also Kohler’s other faucet brand is ”Kallista”! Kallis=expensive
In Budapest is a club named Club Vittula
If you’re interested in interior decorating…. Sianelin.com
At least two of those are sold in webshop of Alko Finland:
https://www.alko.fi/tuotteet/574497/Dal-Cero-Vigneto-Runcata-2015
https://www.alko.fi/tuotteet/942387/Cr-pula-Gold-5-2017
In Bali they are selling https://bluecreativephoto.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/FB-25-1.jpg
Phittu rose = pussy rose
In Lithuania I have seen a sign “smulkus remontas”. In Finnish it means about “dick under renovation”. But actually it means minor repairs.
Here is “my balls” in Finnish “pallini”: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pallini_Limoncello
“Panna” means a (female) virgin in Czech.
This post was quite funny. It reminds me when I first came to Finland to visit Tampere a few years ago. I was so shocked when I was asked if I wanted any Pulla with my coffee. You really don’t want to know what Pula(one “l”) means in Romanian.?
In Cambridge (UK) there is a private schools that are called The Perse School and has upper perse, pre-prep Perse, and so on. Also Stephen Perse foundation ???
Well, when the one and only pope in the Vatican holds his annual adress to the believers, urbii et orbii, we tend to hear jurppii ja kyrpii. At least so he most often looks like.
Perse (ass in Finnish): Finnish police Hellsing headquarters were next to a Iranian restaurant with name Persepolis.