This hilarious short history of Brexit will mess with your head

As the UK gets ever closer to committing “national suicide” — with companies deserting in droves, medicine and food being stockpiled and rich Leavers buying themselves EU citizenship — it’s easy to forget how ludicrous this Tory affair has been from the beginning. Happily, an anonymous writer has crafted a short, yet hilarious history to put it all into perspective. So, if you’re still able to sit comfortably, despite impending disaster, let’s begin.

BREXIT EXPLAINED…….simples innit?

David Cameron made a promise he didn’t think he’d have to keep to have a referendum he didn’t think he would lose. Boris Johnson decided to back the side he didn’t believe in because he didn’t think it would win. Then Gove, who said he wouldn’t run, did, and Boris who said he would run, said he wouldn’t, and Theresa May who didn’t vote for Brexit got the job of making it happen.

She called the election she said she wouldn’t and lost the majority David Cameron hadn’t expected to win in the first place. She triggered Article 50 when we didn’t need to and said we would talk about trade at the same time as the divorce deal and the EU said they wouldn’t so we didn’t.

People thought she wouldn’t get the divorce settled but she did, but only by agreeing to separate arrangements for Northern Ireland when she had promised the DUP she wouldn’t. Then the Cabinet agreed a deal but they hadn’t, and David Davis who was Brexit Secretary but wasn’t said it wasn’t what people had voted for and he couldn’t support what he had just supported and left.

Boris Johnson who hadn’t left then wished that he had and did, but it was a bit late for that. Dominic Raab become the new Brexit secretary. People thought Theresa May wouldn’t get a withdrawal agreement negotiated, but once she had they wished that she hadn’t, because hardly anybody liked it whether they wanted to leave or not.

Jacob Rees-Mogg kept threatening a vote of no confidence in her but not enough people were confident enough people would not have confidence in her to confidently call a no confidence vote. Dominic Raab said he hadn’t really been Brexit Secretary either and resigned, and somebody else took the job but it probably isn’t worth remembering who they are as they’re not really doing the job either as Olly Robbins is.

Then Theresa May said she would call a vote and didn’t, that she wouldn’t release some legal advice but had to, that she would get some concessions but didn’t, and got cross that Juncker was calling her nebulous when he wasn’t but probably should have been.

At some point Jacob Rees Mogg and others called a vote of no-confidence in her, which she won by promising to leave, so she can stay. But they said she had really lost it and should go, at the same time as saying that people who voted Leave knew what they were voting for which they couldn’t possibly have because we still don’t know now, and that we should leave the vote to Leave vote alone but have no confidence in the no-confidence vote which won by more.

The government also argued in court against us being able to say we didn’t want to leave after all but it turned out we could. May named a date for the vote on her agreement which nobody expected to pass, while pretending that no deal which nobody wants is still possible (even though we know we can just say we are not leaving), and that we can’t have a second referendum because having a democratic vote is undemocratic. And of course as expected she loses. Some people are talking about a managed no-deal which is not a deal but is not no-deal either.

Thank goodness for strong and stable government.

16 replies

  1. David Cameron.
    The man whose incompetence was so utterly crap, he had to resign…….twice!

    Remember duding the election when he said the uk “had a choice, stability with the conservatives or chaos with Labour”
    As he gambled with a referendum just to win a few measly votes off UKIP!

    He was a reckless, incompetent halfwit.

  2. This is such idiocy. The party put the referendum in the manifesto, not just him. A massive cross party majority approved it in Parliament, ditto with Art50. To blame Cameron alone demonstrates a pitiful ignorance of procedure and a woeful prejudice. Blaming Labour alone for supporting the referendum would be just as silly.

    • That is what Cameron says. He thinks he had no choice because it was in the manifesto. So why wasn’t there in the first place?

  3. Surely he just gave people a choice? He didn’t want Brexit so why would he stick around when the country voted to leave? Give him a break.

    • He should have stuck around and done his job! He put the entire Britain in this mess, he should have had the cajonies to stay.
      He will be remembered for tearing the United Kingdom/Great Britain apart.

      Britain never fully recovered from WWII. Britain was not great before the EU, why would you want to go back?

  4. Cameron rivals Lord North (lost America) as the UK’s singularly most incompetent PM! Now living in a £25k Hut writing a book that should be avoided!!

  5. Yes a Brian Rix farce but our government embrace farce and are all about themselves. Lets get out of the farcical UK and become an adult independent country.

  6. Cameron never thought he was going to lose, and the Leavers never thought they were going to win , therefore no proper plans by either , that’s why we are in such a mess now.

  7. ‘Laughing just to keep from crying…’ I’ve been feeling for some while now that I might somehow have strayed though Lewis Carroll’s looking glass, and reading this brilliant summary finally confirms it! Not even the writers of ‘Yes, Minister’ could have dreamed up a plot like this. (Brian Rix, just maybe?)

  8. The problem with declaring No Deal a victory for democracy is that Leavers only voted to leave, not how to leave. More than a few envisaged a Norway-style relationship. Remainers at least knew exactly what they were voting for.

  9. This masterly explication of Brexit is still far too little known, though I’ve done my best to promote it among my family, friends and acquaintances, and I know some of them have passed it on. Time for an appendix though, I feel, since recent events make it clear that we are still on the wrong side of the looking glass. Plenty of material, surely:

    – Mrs May achieving the largest parliamentary defeat of modern times with her proposed withdrawal agreement, and then courting humiliation if not ridicule by doggedly reproposing it twice more, and meeting defeat again – twice;

    – Mrs May repeatedly maintaining the UK would definitely leave on March 31, and then requesting an extension – twice;

    – The next prime minister being chosen by a tiny and totally unrepresentative fraction of the electorate, some of whom can apparently vote twice;

    – The choice then being between one man of doubtful seriousness who criticised the very process he is now seeking to benefit from, when it related to the elevation of Gordon Brown; and another who over a period of three years has serially embraced remaining in the EU, Mrs May’s widely unpopular withdrawal agreement, and leaving without a deal (clearly a follower of the Vicar of Bray’s approach to politics);

    – The mechanics of the conservative change of leadership, parliament’s summer recess, and equivalent holidays in the EU turning a six month extension into about one week of useful time.

    And one could go on. Only the author of Brexit Explained can truly do justice to it all.

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