Boris Johnson has offended at least 61 countries. Here’s how he did it.

borishanging

Just when you thought British politics couldn’t possibly get any more farcical, the newly unelected Prime Minister, Theresa May announces the appointment of Boris Johnson as Foreign Secretary. While it was widely expected he’d get a role in cabinet, the smart money was on a ministerial position of little significance or power, such as Minster for Culture. However, May stunned the world by giving the role of the UK ambassador to the world to a man who spent the last month shredding the UK’s 43-year relationship with the EU. But that’s not the only reason Bojo was such a surprise choice. In his career as professional buffoon, journalist and London Mayor, he’s thus far he’s managed to insult practically a third of the world’s countries, including all of the great powers. Here’s are his insult in all their, oh so hilarious, glory.

1. Russia

Boris Johnson on Vladimir Putin:

“Despite looking a bit like Dobby the House Elf, he is a ruthless and manipulative tyrant.”




2. Germany

Johnson said that EU was an attempt to recreate Hitler’s and Napoleon’s aims of unifying Europe “by different methods.”

boris-johnson-pointing

 

3. France

Johnson implied his superiority over the Mayor of Bordeaux, a city of 239,517 people at the time:

“I got the ball back very firmly over the net, folks, because I said there were 250,000 French men and women in London and therefore I was the mayor of the sixth biggest French city on earth.”

Thumbs up!

 

4. Turkey

Johnson won a prize for a poem involving a man from Ankara and sex with goats:

“There was a young fellow from Ankara, Who was a terrific wankerer. “Till he sowed his wild oats, With the help of a goat, But he didn’t even stop to thankera.”




5. Syria

Johnson shared his opinion of Assad’s success with reclaiming Palmyra:

“Hooray, I say. Bravo – and keep going. Yes, I know. Assad is a monster, a dictator. He barrel-bombs his own people. His jails are full of tortured opponents. He and his father ruled for generations by the application of terror and violence – and yet there are at least two reasons why any sane person should feel a sense of satisfaction at what Assad’s troops have accomplished.”

Boris Johnson at his best

 

6. China

Johnson shared his assumption of China as a growing world power with zero cultural muscle:

“We do not need to fear the Chinese […] China will not dominate the globe. We do not need to teach babies Mandarin. […] Compared with the old British Empire, and the new American imperium, Chinese cultural influence is virtually nil, and unlikely to increase.”

 

7. Japan

Johnson practically crushed a child in touch rugby. Bonus point for the gentlemanly handshake afterwards.

 

8. USA

Johnson has written critically about current president Barack Obama, suggesting he had a grudge against Britain because of his “part-Kenyan” heritage, as well as both of the presidential candidates, Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump. So much for The Special Relationship.




Boris Johnson holding a brick

9. The Commonwealth

Johnson pulled of quite the combo party trick by insulting Antigua and Barbuda, Australia, The Bahamas, Bangladesh, Barbados, Belize, Botswana, Brunei, Darussalam, Cameroon, Canada, Cyprus, Dominica, Fiji, Ghana, Grenada, Guyana, India, Jamaica, Kenya, Kiribati, Lesotho, Malawi, Malaysia, Maldives, Malta, Mauritius, Mozambique, Namibia, Nauru, New Zealand, Nigeria, Pakistan, Papua, New Guinea, Rwanda, Saint Lucia, Samoa, Seychelles, Sierra Leone, Singapore, Solomon Islands, South Africa, Sri Lanka, St Kitts and Nevis, St Vincent and The Grenadines, Swaziland, Tonga, Trinidad and Tobago, Tuvalu, Uganda, United Republic of Tanzania, Vanuatu and Zambia… all at once:

“It is said that the Queen has come to love the Commonwealth, partly because it supplies her with regular cheering crowds of flag-waving piccaninnies.”

 




7 replies
  1. aldamato
    aldamato says:

    Got to be up for worst Foreign Minster in British modern history. Unless in our post factual world, insults don’t matter either

    Reply
  2. Kew
    Kew says:

    This government is controlled and run by second raters – not dedicated politicians – but proto fascists, chancers, carpetbaggers and nest featherers. What is the betting that those ‘negotiating’ our exit will have cleared off within the two year period for negotiation? When they realise they have to do some real work and will be subject to scrutiny they’ll be off on the US lecture circuit or pretending to do 5 jobs at once for £millions. The Opposition? What Opposition? Corbyn thinks he’s running the local branch of the Citizens Protest party (meet every Tuesday – free tea and biscuits supplied – Lenin hat optional) while anyone with any intelligence is either shunning being a Labour candidate or is clearing out as soon as they can get another job. Brexiteers? They have full confidence that that nIce Mr Davis and that new Britannia Mrs May ably supported by Boris and encouraged by that lovely Mr Farage will lead us to victory over those foul Europeans. Gawd help us one and all!!

    Reply
  3. mscummings
    mscummings says:

    This man is a total disgrace and has shown himself to be completely self serving. He will stab his friends in the back, metaphorically speaking, to get what he wants. He will also change his position, as he did on the referendum if he sees personal benefit in it.
    I am ashamed that he represents this country abroad…..he may be intelligent but has no common sense and no diplomatic skills…

    Reply
  4. Braingirl
    Braingirl says:

    I don’t find Boris Johnson’s appeal at all surprising – he is the ventriloquists dummy for a certain kind of English person’s passive aggressive desire to tell Johnny Foreigner to shove orf without appearing rude themselves.

    Reply
  5. madanabhat
    madanabhat says:

    I want John Major back, I’m not even kidding, it’s not 1990s nostalgia, I want someone Moderate back who at least publicly thinks things through for a long time and then only tweaks things slightly if their not broken. Even The Guardians infamous cartoonist Steve Bell half joked that John Major was way more left wing then Tony Blair.

    Reply

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