Flow Festival sign, photo by Samuli Pentti

14 reasons why Helsinki’s Flow Festival is terrible and must be avoided

Flow Festival sign, photo by Samuli Pentti

Helsinki based Flow Festival has established itself as one of Europe’s most praised music festivals. With ringing endorsements from publications like The Guardian and The Consequence of Sound, you’d think Flow would be one of those experiences you should try and have.

None of the above is true,. Flow Festival 2017 (August 11-13) is terrible and we’ll explain why.

 

1. First of all, Finnish festivals are all about people being obnoxious around cheap beer

 

2. Finland has the lowest population density in Europe, so Flow Festival must surely be in the middle of nowhere

 

3. Flow offers nothing for people with families and responsibilities

 

   

 

 

4. The the music at Flow has no rhytm or melody

 

5. Especially the Finnish lineup are monotonous nobodies

 

6. Flow books bottom of the barrel acts who can’t sing

 

   

 

 

7. There’s no oomph and groove in any of these people

 

8. These EDM clowns take themselves way too seriously

 

9. And of course it’s never worth looking into music you haven’t heard of before

 

10. Flow takes place in a boring industrial zone with no sense of magic in the air

 

11. If you get hungry you’re out of luck

 

12. There’s no place to chillax

 

   

 

 

13. Evenings gets darker in August so the feeling of summer is basically gone

 

14. There’s no way you could enjoy music in this environment

 
Terrible, right? Avoid Flow at all cost. If you have more warnings to share, please feel free to open up in the comments section below.

 

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