13 things that will never ever be sold in Finland

Coming up with product names, which work in all languages, is a tricky business. Most companies do name checks to ensure any new names work in their main markets. However, that rarely covers all countries. Consequently, there are plenty of occasions when a name that sounds great in one language has a very different meaning in another. Here is a selection from around the world, which do just that and which consequently are unlikely to ever be found in Finland.

We all love Italian coffee. However, you’d have to be a very passionate connoisseur to drink one, which in Finnish, is named shit.

In Italian panna means cream. In Finnish, it means to fuck. (And yes it was hard to avoid making a crude gag here.)

In Lithuania, this is a ferry port and Finns’ favourite swear word.


I’ve no doubt this wine is marvellous and certainly more appealing than an arse tax.


Continuing with the theme of wine, this one shows why the Italians have got such a reputation for enjoying the good life, in this case getting wasted and having a wank.

The French are renowned for being super civilised. This wine suggests otherwise.

This Polish club is clearly very proud of its neon sign. That would likely change if they knew it meant hole dick.


This fancy clothing line by Marks and Spencer works in Spanish. However, no matter how you dress them up potatoes are rarely glamorous.

Apparently, the way to enjoy your one life is to drink piss. Needless to say, we’re not convinced.

The Spanish seem to have a thing with bodily fluids. This one is apparently blood.



Drink this wine and it seems you’re guaranteed a hangover. At least they’re honest.

Chocolate doesn’t get anymore orgasmic than this.


It doesn’t matter if the apricot is flirty, the strawberry red-hot or the passion fruit stormy, I’m not drinking dirt.

47 replies

  1. Vice versa, when I studied in Finland it was a running gag among exchange students to ask someone to get you a “megapussi” from the supermarket 🙂

  2. Oh boy, this reminds me of the day my former boss (who’s not so fluent in Finnish) served coffees to a table of ladies and asked “Signore, haluatteko panna?”

    • There is even the whole street “P?rses iela” – and they say the street signs get stolen veeery often 😉
      But it’s just a lovely small river with a nice waterfall on it 😀

    • .In US there is a lady senator with the same first name..Kamala..
      In Africa you can fly to Pascacoula…we found it hilarious

  3. On the other side, I was always laughing at “maukas ruokas”. In Latvian it means “whore’s arms”… Maukas tomaati – is it that tomatoes from a bitch are more tasty? 😀

  4. We finns have great sense of humour.
    Most of these are actually sold in Finland.
    All of the wines mentioned, also coffee Paska.
    Those waters are not, but not because the name, but the fact thag we have the cleanest water in the world.

    • Hehe, sorry Nikolai but I have to translate your last name in english; it means “Overrace” or “Aboverace”.
      I presume you are a white male, so that makes it a bit…ehm…a bit privileged. ?
      But no hard feelings, okay?

  5. If this reflects your attention to your other work, you must be brilliant! You’re right. Senoji Perkela is a ferry, not chocolate. Some people wouldn’t know this unless triggered Lithuanians with too much time on their hands whined about it. Of course 99.9999% of people don’t care, but you did. Great work!

  6. hahahahaha. Not.

    This whole post is like a 12 year old got hold of his father’s instagram.
    Making fun of foreign names is so 11 year old.
    Don’t go there.

  7. You can find Caffe Paska in Finland. I would even guess that the unfortunate naming makes it more popular than it would be otherwise.

  8. Crápula is literally pictured here being sold in an Alko store. Also “crapula” is hangover in Latin and derived to many other languages such as Spanish and the wine in question is from Spain. So it is just a silly name for a product.

  9. Hi Joel
    Just FYI that Docata&Runcata label is Photoshopped. Wine does exist but is called Runcata. Bad enough on its own, tho… 😀

  10. Port Charlotte, Florida is ” Kallis German Butcher shop” also Kohler’s other faucet brand is ”Kallista”! Kallis=expensive

  11. In Lithuania I have seen a sign “smulkus remontas”. In Finnish it means about “dick under renovation”. But actually it means minor repairs.

  12. This post was quite funny. It reminds me when I first came to Finland to visit Tampere a few years ago. I was so shocked when I was asked if I wanted any Pulla with my coffee. You really don’t want to know what Pula(one “l”) means in Romanian.?

  13. In Cambridge (UK) there is a private schools that are called The Perse School and has upper perse, pre-prep Perse, and so on. Also Stephen Perse foundation ???

  14. Well, when the one and only pope in the Vatican holds his annual adress to the believers, urbii et orbii, we tend to hear jurppii ja kyrpii. At least so he most often looks like.

  15. Perse (ass in Finnish): Finnish police Hellsing headquarters were next to a Iranian restaurant with name Persepolis.

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