11 effortless self-comforting strategies for Leavers still awaiting Brexit

11 effortless self-comforting strategies for Leavers still awaiting Brexit

Were you a Leave voter? Are you sore about Brexit being put off for months, maybe years, possibly forever? Do not fear. Inspired by a similarly helpful list created for Remainers, we’ve put together 11 top self-comforting strategies to help Quitters deal with their ongoing torment.

1. Call every person who voted Remain a “whiner” and a “loser”, ignoring the fact that democracy isn’t like a game of footy that ends when someone blows a whistle.




2. Claim that the (huge) turnout of 37% of the electorate and 26% of the population is high enough to do what you damn well please right this minute. Brexit means Brexit NOW! Post pictures of crying babies to highlight that it’s not you constantly whining, but all those bad Remainer losers.

3. Make an e-petition demanding that democracy be suspended from June 23rd onwards and we trigger Brexit NOW! We don’t need any more referendums. The result was “right” and so what if Nigel Farage said beforehand, “In a 52% – 48% referendum this would be unfinished business by a long way”. That was before we WON!!

10 top self-comforting strategies for Leavers awaiting Brexit

4.  Get over-excited about the economy, be sure to talk up all the trade deals that we’re going to do and how it will be like having the British Empire all over again, but better because they’ll be no foreigners. Pretend that reading the Daily Mail, Daily Express and The Telegraph, makes you an expert on the currency market and global economics. Ignore data and facts showing the economy is going into recession and blame everything on Remainers for “talking the country down.”

10 top self-comforting strategies for Leavers awaiting Brexit2

5.  Attack the very idea of democracy. Make sure people realise that an advisory referendum is now carved in stone and no vote is ever needed again ever. From now, nobody can ever question anything again because we WON!! (Always write WON!! in capitals with exclamation marks to emphasis we WON!!) because it’s only a good thing when it goes the way we want it to. Elitist “experts”, stupid intellectuals, business leaders and lovey dovey metropolitan types don’t know what’s good for them, but Daily Mail, Daily Express and Telegraph readers most definitely do.




6.  Share memes bashing Remainers, ignoring the unwelcome and uncomfortable realisation that since everyone has realised what an incredible shitstorm we’ve unleashed, all the sane people have had second thoughts.

giphy

7. Stomp and shout loudly to anyone who will listen that there will be “riots in the streets” if 26% of the population don’t get their way. Remind people you WON!! Ignore the fact that by far the biggest age groups to vote Leave were the over 50s and over 65s who aren’t renowned for violent protest.

8.  Boldly claim that Scotland will never leave the UK, forgetting a.) they only voted to stay part of the UK to be in the EU b.) 62% voted to Remain. c.) Unless you’re Scottish, it’s none of your business.

self comforting strategies for Brexit3

9.  Learn absolutely nothing from the campaign; celebrate the result as though everyone voted exactly like you. Constantly tell people how you WON!! and berate them when they suggest the reason Hitler so loved referendum because they make it so easy to manipulate the population with lies. There’s no way they could possibly backfire.




10. Celebrate the genius of Boris Johnson while really hoping he isn’t actually a secret Remainer who only pretended to want Brexit to become Prime Minister.

Brexit self-comforting strategies 5
11. When you hear Brexit has been moved again, grab your Union Jack teddy bear, curl up in a ball and cry yourself to sleep while listening to “Rule Britannia”.




15 replies
  1. JBrown
    JBrown says:

    Lol! I lost it at this bit: “be sure to talk up all the trade deals that we’re going to do and how it will be like having the British Empire all over again, but better because they’ll be no foreigners. Pretend that reading the Daily Mail, Daily Express and The Telegraph, makes you an expert on the currency market and global economics.”

    Reply
  2. Bryan1974
    Bryan1974 says:

    GREAT Britain has become little England. Hardly surprising, with arch Brexiteer Jacob Rees – Mogg , not quite understanding the difference. cIn parliament he once revealed he wasn’t aware that Wales & Scotland had national Anthems, he assumed they all sang God save the Queen. Educated on the playing fields of Eton, but clearly never had a rugby ball in his hands

    Reply
  3. CatherineRemains
    CatherineRemains says:

    Love it! I have seen so many of these points made by people who think that they’ve done the decent thing and voted Leave! Most of the points they make are total B…SHIT!!

    Reply
  4. Oona
    Oona says:

    Loved it!!! Absolutely true yet entertaining at the same time. This sort of thing really gives me hope and cheers me up because even though a terrible wrong has been done, we still think and act sensibly and I feel uplifted just reading this.

    Reply
  5. Andy
    Andy says:

    “50-65 year olds most likely to have voted Brexit aren’t renowned for rioting….” Brilliant!

    Absolute genius comeback, I wish I’d thought of it.

    Reply
    • Julia
      Julia says:

      Many over 50s and 65s voted remain and are as angry as anyone else. But also remember the over 65s were young in the 1960s and 70s, the age when demos and protests were quite common; so don’t underestimate us oldies! We’re old hands at protesting.

      Reply
  6. RIchard
    RIchard says:

    12. Post all over on pro-Remain Facebook pages using a freely selected assortment of the following: Bollocks! Losers! Move on! You Lost! Get Over It! Get a Life! Stick ye head up yer arse! F**k off to Europe then!, plus the absolutely mandatory: “It’s DEMOCRACY!”.

    Reply
  7. Rafael Ventura
    Rafael Ventura says:

    You know, what’s sad is that those who voted leave will not look into any of the opposite side’s arguments.

    And the country must know that if it happens and Theresa May pulls the trigger on Article 50, she is doing a fully conscious decision to throw the country down the pan. She warned of the consequences of leaving the EU. If that’s not treason, I don’t know what is.

    Reply
    • Helen Atkin
      Helen Atkin says:

      Exactly! She is hell bent on sending us all over the cliffs. & an unelected PM too.!!! What the hell have we let loose?

      Reply
  8. Petrometro
    Petrometro says:

    I have
    No confidence in Teresa May
    zero confidence in Boris Johnson
    David Davis is out of his depth
    Dr Wotsit is precisely that.
    Rees Mogg will not listen to any reasoned argument. Ditto for John Redwood.
    Bill Cash might has well curl up and go to sleep.
    DM DE and DT aside, who never understood the uncoded constitution in the first place the rest of the press have a lot to answer for.
    Theresa May will NEVER win an election on this form. For once, just once, Ed Milliband seems to have brought intelligence to the debate. Much as it pains me to say it. After 50 years of voting blue, this government, hungry for power, listening to nobody is the worst I have ever seen. Those who voted leave and yet do not want to be a single penny worse off better see the reality and smell the coffee. It started, so it will finish. Masterminds.

    Reply
  9. Barry Calms
    Barry Calms says:

    Point 1.When the whistle blows at a football match the result is ACCEPTED. The opposing fans don’t try to intimidate the FA into calling the match void and then want a rematch. Indeed football supporters understand democracy much better than extreme remainers.
    I can imagine a football match with a remain team being so hilarious, they would lose the match and then start protesting on the pitch that they lost, then they would accuse the supporters of the winning side of not understanding the rules of football, finally they would repeated make challenges to the FA about the validity of the match.

    Reply

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